Interview with a Foster Dad: Eric President

This Father’s Day, we wanted to share some perspectives from a group of guys we don’t hear from very often: foster dads! Foster dads play just as important a role in creating safe, supportive homes for youth in foster care as moms do. On this blog, we haven’t yet shared the voices of any of our wonderful foster dads, so we wanted to change that. 

Recently, we sat down to speak with Eric President, husband of Tara President. Together, Eric and Tara have been foster parents since 2009. They are exemplary foster parents, and were recognized for their amazing work last year with the Vivienne Campbell Award. We were excited to hear Eric’s perspective on fostering. 

Why did you want to become a foster parent in the first place? 

My sister, who’s a little older than myself, did foster care. I used to always go over there and interact with the kids she had. She used to tell me, you’d be great doing this! I didn’t know if I would have the time or the patience or what it took, but Tara and I talked about it, and she thought we both could handle it. Seeing that we would be helping out so many kids to have a better chance in life, experiencing opportunity where maybe it wasn’t before, was monumental for us. It’s what we would want for our daughter, it’s what we would want for any kid coming out of the neighborhoods. Because we’ve seen so many kids who didn’t have that chance. It’s the best way of giving back we knew. 

Has your motivation for fostering changed at all over the years? 

Actually, our motivation has increased, our reasoning has not changed. With every child we have, it pushes us to try to do more, to do better. From child to child it changes for us. We tend to look at if we did everything we could or if we felt short. 

What’s one of the lessons you’ve learned as a foster parent? 

The biggest lesson learned so far: there’s no one answer for everything! Every kid has their own different issues, and we just have to take them as they come and work with them the best way we know how. 

I have to say, as much as they learn from us, we learn from them. We look forward to a lot of that stuff, so it helps us with the next child. They strengthen us, as much as we strengthen them. 

With every child we have, it pushes us to try to do more, to do better.

When a new youth moves into your home, what’s the first thing you do? 

We have a package ready for them. We show them around the house, where everything is. They always have new bedsheets and linens. We normally will take them out to eat to open up the conversation and get to know them. We let them know the house rules, ask them what their expectations are of us, and let them know we have an open door policy – we’re here to help. We just really try to be there for them and get them comfortable. 

A lot of kids come in with their arms crossed, saying that this is just another foster home, they’ve been here before so they’re not really gonna open up. So the challenge for me is to get them to be who they are. To get them comfortable, so they can work on their strengths with us while they’re here.  

What’s your least favorite part of foster parenting? 

When the kids are leaving the house. That’s one of my toughest moments, because – I think in my MAPP class they were trying to teach us not to get attached, but it’s extremely hard. How can you not get attached to kids that you have after a certain period of time? Sometimes it’s for years at a time. For me to see them go, it’s one of the hardest things for me. It always brings me to tears thinking about it.  

And what’s your favorite part? 

When they call back! When they call us, it means to me that we are an eternal part of their lives. We are a go-to for them. No matter what happens, whether they left on good or bad terms, when they call it means they understood what we were trying to achieve with them while they were here. That means everything, because you never really know if your message is getting through.  

I actually just got a phone call yesterday from a kid we had years back, Jane. Jane gave me a call and the first thing she said was, hey dad, and I knew instantly it was her. She just started telling me everything that we meant to her and how she’s just now understanding what we were trying to explain to her, to help her do. And we both had a moment. It was great. 

How do you think fostering has changed your relationship with your own family? 

It’s definitely made me stronger as a person. It taught me patience. It taught me how to be more versatile. It taught me how to love more. It taught me acceptance. It taught me that everybody did not grow up the same way I did. It taught me how to open my eyes, broaden my horizons. 

As far as patience goes, we’ve had a lot of kids have episodes – kids have run away, fought, thrown things out our windows. But the first thing we don’t do is give up on that kid. We try to find different ways to help the kid. Things like that just remind us what we got into it for. We always hark back to why we’re doing this. And we always have a plan together to make things right, to get things settled back in our home.  

Being a foster dad has definitely made me stronger as a person. It taught me patience. It taught me how to be more versatile. It taught me how to love more.

Do you think being a foster parent has changed the way you care for your biological children? 

I can’t say I do. I try to treat these kids as though they’re mine. So everything that I would do for my kid, I would do for these kids. We still have our own beliefs and morals, and we just try to teach them love. It’s not hard, for us at least. I love these kids like they’re my own and I wouldn’t treat them any different. I think that’s exactly what initiates the long-term relationships between us. 

It’s not hard because from the jump, we let them know who we are, these are our rules, it’s an open door policy, and we’re not gonna change. You don’t need to expect a different face from us once you leave. So it’s not hard to be who you are. We’re not making up anything. 

Is there anything we haven’t talked about that you’d like to mention or emphasize? 

I’m always gonna emphasize my team! I can’t say it enough, Team 105 – myself, my wife and CFCS –without them, it’s impossible. I think we have a great group of people with the same goals in mind, and we work very well together. We don’t know any other agency we’d want to go to right now. We’ve built a great relationship with CFCS and it’s been a great experience.