What Permanency Means to Adopted Youth

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: achieving permanency is our top priority for every person we work with. But what does achieving permanency actually look like? There could be as many answers to that question as there are people who need help from agencies like CFCS. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a worthy question to explore. In that spirit, we’re starting a series on the blog called “What Permanency Means…”, where we’ll explore what permanency means for the many different people we serve. Today, we’re looking at what permanency means for the youth we find adoptive families for in our Adoption program.

At CFCS, we find families for children who are in foster care, in the custody of the Department of Children and Families, who have been removed from their birth parents’ care due to safety concerns. DCF and the courts have determined that these children cannot safely return to their birth parents, and that instead they need to live with a new family, with caregivers who will be by their side forever. These caregivers could be their extended birth family members, their current foster parents, adults with whom they already have a relationship (such as a teacher, mentor or community member), or anyone who is interested and approved to adopt.

Photo by Edward Eyer from Pexels

It’s important to note that most children and teens who need to be adopted face challenges related to their early experiences of trauma. They have likely endured multiple transitions and disruptions in their caregiving relationships early in their lives, and they’re in need of stability and nurturing. They require therapeutic parenting and supportive services in order to help them heal and reach their potential.

Permanency for children who need an adoptive home means they can grow up in a loving, safe family where they know that the same people will take care of them for the rest of their childhood and will be there for them throughout their lives. It means they won’t have to worry about moving again or being separated from their siblings, their community, their school or any part of what they know as home.

The role adoptive parents play in achieving that permanency is not only to care for their children every day, but also to help children remain connected to their past lives while offering them connection to new communities. This includes connecting them to teachers, coaches, mentors and other important adults who will have a consistent presence in their lives as they continue to grow up.  It’s important for adoptive parents to help children maintain relationships with their siblings, birth families and extended adoptive families.

Permanency through adoption allows children to have the sense of security they need to develop as a person, to achieve milestones and to learn about themselves, the world and the role they want to play in it. It supports youth in building their sense of self-worth and belonging, as well as a sense of competency and independence.  Having a safe space for self-discovery is an important part of what an adoptive family can provide.

“Permanency through adoption allows children to have the sense of security they need to learn about themselves, the world and the role they want to play in it. ”

Permanency for adopted youth may also mean getting to grow up with their siblings when they’ve never gotten to live with them before, or being reunited with their siblings in a new adoptive home. We do everything in our power to reunite siblings through adoption. When siblings can’t grow up together in the same adoptive home, we work with each adoptive family to make sure that brothers and sisters remain connected to each other, and to help adoptive parents arrange regular, frequent visits for the siblings.

Finding adoptive families for sibling groups can be one of the greatest challenges we face in our work. But we are persistent, and we always put in the extra effort to collaborate with other agencies to find the right families for the brother and sisters we serve.

While being separated from their siblings is one of the hardest situations faced by the children we serve, perhaps even more difficult is their constant awareness that their foster homes are only temporary placements, and they could be moved at any time, with little notice. No child should have to grow up worrying that, at any moment, the bed they sleep in could be gone, or that they’ll never see a beloved pet again. Children deserve the sense of security that only unending, unconditional love and care provide, and we work to find families who will provide that care.

The hardships children in foster care have to bear are huge motivators for us as an organization to work as best we can to reunite these children with their birth families, and to find them loving, nurturing adoptive homes when reunification is not possible.

One thing that always surprises us about permanency through adoption is how sometimes, the little things – things we didn’t even think about – make the most difference. Permanency means a child will know what it’s like to go through a whole school year with the same peers. It means they’ll get to explore hobbies and interests and play freely. And it means they get to participate in typical family activities, like going to the movies and eating dinner together every night. It means they know their parents will be there when they come home from school every day.

If you’re interested in learning more about adopting a child or children in foster care, contact our Family Services program today! Email familyservices@helpfamilies.org.